Bitter Reflections
by JadeTheCon
Summary: All he wants is for her to be happy... At the cost of his own contentment. Rated T for minor language. Sorda GarrusxFemShep Oneshot


**GarrusxFemShep Fanfic oneshot romance/angst**

**Bitter Reflections**

Alright, so here it is. My "sorda GarrusxFemShep" oneshot. It's almost sad, but that's why it was deemed romance/angst. How is it sad? Read and find out, silly xD

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I stare at my reflection in the human drink, coffee. I consume a small amount, and in reaction to the bitter taste, slam the mug onto the table, causing the steaming, brown liquid to slosh over the side of the container. I jerk back my hands; turians aren't fond of the cold or the heat… Again, I notice my reflection… Although I wish I didn't, it just makes me think about how I can't be with her…

Yes. I've accepted it now. She's in love with that human, Alenko. I keep telling myself, Shepard is a human, and she deserves to be with a human, not a turian. Not me. But that doesn't change the way I feel. It doesn't change the way I see her. Her bright emerald eyes, the way they look right through me, they look right into my very soul. It's almost as if she knows how I feel. But she doesn't, she can't. I won't let her. I love her, that much is true. But because I love her, I want her to be happy. No, I need her to be happy or else my 'hard and emotionless turian heart' would crumble. She's happy with that human. He can give her all she needs and wants. With him, she's not alone, she can bear the fate of the whole galaxy on her shoulders, because he makes her happy… but, I could give her those things, too… no, no I can't. I tell myself again; I'm a turian, I'm an alien to her. She's human, she can't be with me, and I can't be with her. It's not right.

It just not… fair. Damnit, I love her, I need her, so, why can't I have her? I snarl and squeeze my talons into a fist. I bang them against the wall in my quarters, hard, so I can feel it. The sides of my scaled hands, that parts that made contact with the metal wall, burn, and yet I choose not to acknowledge that pain. Turians are strong, we don't feel pain. We are guardians, warriors of sorts (not like the krogan of course). I am a warrior. So, why do I feel the pain that I can't be with her? Why do I feel I must be with her in order to survive? I growl again, and tip the only table in my room, over. I hear glass shatter and the drink I was previously trying to down, splashes against the wall. I don't care, nothing maters if I can't have her. A thought appears in my mind that makes me stop destroying what's left of my quarters and laugh.

It was a cold laugh, the kind of laugh that you make when something unpleasant and ironic happens to you. My father. Ha, he would laugh at me for my recklessness. The fact that I let myself fall in love, let alone with a human. Most turians believe that females are for breeding only. That's why female turians aren't let out in public, generally. When one, as the humans might call it, marries, a male turian, she becomes his property. That's how my father thinks. But he is old and so are his ideas. And, ideas must adapt with the changing time. So, that idea is slowly changing. Slowly. I support the newer ways of thinking, that's another reason I left C-sec and the Citadel. I needed to get away from my father and his cruel and old ways of thinking.

I suppose some of his cruelness he passed down onto me, and Shepard changed that. She changed the way I think, the way I see the galaxy and the lives in it. Everything has a right to live. Everything has and should have a chance to repent for his or her wrong doings. I don't always agree with that, but, when I look at her, well, when I thought the indoctrinated colonists on Feros should be killed and then, when the Thorian was destroyed and the colonists were human once more, I realized what she meant. She showed me how to value each and every life for its own individuality.

I sigh and collapse onto my bed (which was cockeyed due to my temper-tantrum), and hide my face with my six talons. I love her. Oh, by the Gods above, I love her. I want her, I need her. Why can't I-

A crackling on the intercom appeared. "Garrus?" damn him, it was Joker. Can't I have one second of peace to think! "The commander needs you on the Bridge, asap."

"Asap?" must be a human term… The commander needs me? I stand up quickly (and ungracefully) at that thought.

"As…soon…as…possible, Garrus," he said, sounding agitated and impatient (as usual).

"Of course, Joker. I'm on my way," I get up and exit my room; careful not to let anyone see the mess I created… we must be near Ilos. I'll be going with Shepard. There's no way I'll let her go off on her own to a geth and traitor (I growl at the thought of Saren) infested planet.

Well, now at least, I have something else to occupy my thoughts. But, it still doesn't change how I feel about her, how I see her. As I step onto the Bridge, I put on the 'emotionless-turian mask.' It prevents me from betraying my true feelings… But how I want to so very desperately…

"Garrus," she says, nodding her head out of respect. Her jade colored eyes meet my own blue ones, and I feel it again, how she appears to know how I feel…

"Commander," I say, my voice even and rid of all emotion. Even though, behind my mask, behind my disguise, my emotions are quite alive.

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So, sorda sad? I really do wish Bioware would have made Garrus a romance option… Maybe in the later games? Anyway, if you want to know, I came up with this story while listening to My Heart by Paramore. Music is a great inspiration :-P Now, review, please? You know you want to! No flames please, but helpful criticism is always welcome :-) I plan on writing more GarrusxFemShep (Real GarrusxFemShep :-P) later. Brainstorming ideas now! –Jade, out! xD 


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